


Feet Don't Fail Me Now

by fluffy_miracle



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Acts of Kindness, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Homeless, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Prostitution, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attorney Sam Winchester, Bobby runs an Autoshop and a Homeless Shelter, Boys In Love, Break Up, Cancer, Chemotherapy, Crush, Crushes, Desperation, Down On His Luck Gabriel, Drug Dealing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Endgame Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Eventual Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Eventual Happy Ending, Eviction, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gabriel is Gabriel, Gabriel-Centric, Good Big Brother Gabriel, Good guy Sam Winchester, Healthcare is Expensive, Help, Homelessness, Hurt, Hurt Gabriel, Hurt/Comfort, Illness, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kind Sam Winchester, Kindness, M/M, Mechanic Dean Winchester, Minor Ruby/Sam Winchester, POV Alternating, Past Rape/Non-con, Poverty, Prostitution, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Recreational Drug Use, Ruby is a bitch, Sam wants to help, Secrets, Sex Work, Sex Work Positive, Sick Castiel, Sick Castiel (Supernatural), Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Strangers, Strangers to Lovers, Violence, all centric to Gabriel’s work, beat up, charity - Freeform, injuries, lying, prostitute gabriel, puppy dog eyes, sex worker Gabriel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:35:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26458825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffy_miracle/pseuds/fluffy_miracle
Summary: Gabriel is a prostitute trying to make ends meet for him and his sick brother, Castiel, without Castiel finding out where the money is coming from. It's not like he wants to be a prostitute, but it's the most consistent job he can find in the recession. While running from the cops, he meets a man who is determined to get to know him, the real him, not the persona he adopts while on the streets.This man, one Sam Winchester, when he learns the truth, wants to help. But Gabriel is beyond being able to accept charity, even from someone who is becoming his friend. Gabriel develops a crush for Sam who is unfortunately in a relationship, but he keeps quiet because he doesn't want to ruin their friendship.However, when reality brings everything crashing down, everything changes and Gabriel is no longer sure if he can take anymore.**I'm so excited to bring this fic back to life!**
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Ruby/Sam Winchester
Comments: 10
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

Neon flickered across the street and Gabriel yawned, sinking down to sit on the steps behind him. It was somewhere near 2am and normally this stretch of road had more traffic than it did tonight. He had seen two cars in the span of an hour and that meant business was going to be bad. It was too late to pick a new spot-- all the good ones would be taken anyway. He yawned again, leaning back against the steps, not even noticing the concrete digging into his back. He’d rather be at home with Cassie, sleeping in his own bed for once at this godforsaken hour instead of prowling the streets and alleyways for a few bucks to keep them going. Lights flashed and Gabriel was on his feet in an instant, forcing a smile on his face. He felt tired, his makeup felt crusty, and his clothes felt too tight. Blue lights flashed, a warning before the siren whooped, echoing down the street. Hell no. He was not getting caught again. Gabriel turned and fled into the night, leaving no trace on the abandoned street lit up blue and red.

He stumbled down the street, cursing the fact he had worn heels tonight. He glanced over his shoulder before grinning. He had outrun the pigs for another night. At least, one very particular pig who took a liking to the prostitute he sampled before throwing him into the slammer. Gabriel had gotten very good at not getting caught by that particular asshole, Zacheriah. He didn’t get paid by Zacheriah which was really an insult since the man seemed to like fucking him so much.

Gabriel slowed down, sneaking another glance over his shoulder before he looked back in front of him. It was too late, he had collided with another person, and that would be shit luck all on its own if he hadn’t run into a person who felt incredibly solid to the point that Gabriel found himself flying backward. He skidded into the ground, wincing as the pavement ripped his palms open.

“Oh, shit, are you okay?” Gabriel grimaced as he picked himself up, glancing down at his bloody palms. His earrings swung as he nodded his head, still not looking up at the asshole who had inflicted gravity so cruelly upon him.

“Yea, I’m fine.” He resisted the urge to wipe his hands on his leather shorts. He didn’t need to be scrubbing any more blood out of his clothes. Cassie was already suspicious and Gabriel really needed him to believe that the money came from working down at the factory that had fired his sorry ass months ago. Recession or whatever blusshit corporate was using to fire hardworking people for no good reason. “Are you okay?” He asked, finally looking at the other person. “I didn’t mean to run into you.”

“I should have been looking where I was going.” The other man shrugged meekly. He was giant, towering over Gabriel, or he would be if he didn’t seem so hunched over on himself. He patted his suit jacket pocket and Gabriel backed up. If it was money or a weapon, well, he wasn’t interested. “Shit.” The man started looking down at the ground and Gabriel did the same-- more out of curiosity than charity. 

“Looking for this?” Gabriel noticed a jewelry box near his scuffed heels. He bent down and picked it up carefully with his fingertips, making sure not to get any blood on it. He tossed it to the other man, forcing himself not to think about how much money he might have just given away. It wasn’t his to begin with. He was not a thief. The other man caught it, opening it and sighing in relief.

“Thanks, man.” Oh, God, that dimpled smile that flashed like sunlight needed to be illegal. Gabriel noticed a group of men coming out of a strip club, some of which were looking at him hungrily. And while he wasn’t in the mood to be devoured, he could use the money.

“No problem.” Gabriel started to walk away but the man’s hand on his elbow stopped him. “Watch it!” Gabriel snapped, backing up quickly before this guy got any ideas, like wrapping his long fingers around Gabriel’s arm. Never let them grab you before they pay. 

“Sorry, I just-- you’re bleeding.” The man pointed out the obvious. “Let me help since it’s kind of my fault. I have a first aid kit in my car.” He pointed to some old car across the road. “Please.”

“No funny business.” Gabriel scowled up at him like he stood a chance if tall and handsome decided to grab him after all. The trunk of that car looked like it could fit him inside easily.

“No funny business.” The man echoed, holding up his hands.

“Fine.” Gabriel narrowed his eyes at him but followed him over to his car. One of the men behind them hooted which Gabriel just ignored. If they were there by the time his hands were good, he’d get their money, no doubt. He just hoped no other prostitutes were circling. He had better chances when he was the only one they saw when they were drunk and horny. 

The man did have a first aid kit and he was quick to get it out and put it on the trunk. 

“Come here.” Gabriel came two steps closer and no farther, making the man come to him. He was putting on gloves he had pulled out of the first aid kit. He was smart. Gabriel wished more people would glove up before they touched him. 

“I’m Sam.” The man offered his name. “Sam Winchester.”

“Cool.” Gabriel was focused on his movements, making sure he wasn’t going to pull a fast one on him. He’d gotten in some rough scrapes in the past-- they made him a lot more cautious now.

“You got a name?”

“Ziggy Starfuck.” Gabriel rolled his eyes. This man with puppy dog eyes really didn’t think he’d be handing out his real name with every blow job, did he?

“Really?”

“Oh yea.” Gabriel laid on the sarcasm a little too thickly because the man cleaning his palms with painstaking care flinched.

“Sorry, I don’t know how this shit works.” He mumbled. He inspected Gabriel’s hands carefully before he smeared ointment over them. It was Gabriel’s turn to flinch as his hands started to sting.

“For what it’s worth, thanks.” Gabriel offered as gauze was pressed to his palms. He held his palms up as if he was some guru about to impart wisdom. He didn’t have any wisdom to impart, just some pitfalls to avoid. Sam wrapped each hand carefully. 

“There, you’re welcome.” Sam gave him a crinkly smile that made Gabriel feel warmer inside than he had in awhile. It was kind of nice to be seen as a human.

“See ya.” Gabriel saluted him before crossing the street. He didn’t wait for anymore smiles or words. It was a nice moment, but it was over. He had work to do. He had to be able to feed Cassie and buy his medicine. “Hey there, you look lonely.” He crooned, sidling along a man whose breath stank like beer. “Those honeys inside get you all worked up?” He pressed his hand against the front of the man’s pants, smirking when he found something hard.

“How much?”

“What do you want?” He batted his lashes, flirting easily. 

“Bend you over the dumpster like the trash you are.” Gabriel blinked. Not all his clients were this hostile but it felt like more and more of them were. He wasn’t much to look at, but still, they could at least pretend. He sure was. He glanced over his shoulder to see Sam standing by his car, watching them with a wrinkled brow. The man had spoken loud enough for everyone to hear him, even Sam. Gabriel looked back at his potential john. He didn’t want to see the moment when Sam’s brain caught up to what was happening. He didn’t want to see the judgement on the one nice guy’s handsome face.

“$50.” He didn’t mean to jut his chin out, it was just adding more chum to the water, and now the shark knew his words had made Gabriel bleed. Fifty dollars was more than he usually asked for, but he didn’t like the guy. The guy sneered, peeling off some bills and handing them over. Gabriel stuffed them in his top and led the way to the nearest dumpster in the nearest alley, praying that Zacheriah didn’t come down this way while he was working. But by the way his luck was going tonight, he doubted he’d get off that easy.

Sure enough, as the man was finally cumming his brains out, the alleyway filled with blue light. “Shit, we gotta go.” Gabriel wiggled free, wincing as the guy slipped out of him. He yanked up his shorts and hurried away when something grabbed him, yanking him back hard. His knee connected with metal and then pavement, pain blossoming in his vision as he cried out. 

“Give me my money back, whore, if you’re gonna run.” The man’s breath was hot and his weight was heavy. Gabriel shook his head and then wailed as the man shoved his shorts back down and his cock back in. He was trapped there for another three minutes before he was finally finished. His hand was groping Gabriel’s shirt, trying to get his money out, but that was the real reason Gabriel wore his shirts this tight. Sure, there was some bulging where he didn’t want it, but the money usually stayed put. He was shoved to the ground, falling to his hands and knees again. His knee hurt too much to move, but he would lose all his money if Zacheriah caught him again. 

Gabriel forced himself up, crying out as he put weight on his left leg. He paused for a moment, trying to catch his breath as he yanked his shorts back up. Zacheriah was coming, he could hear his footsteps somewhere behind him. Gabriel clutched the side of the building and struggled on, making himself walk through the pain. He almost fell again when something stopped him from falling.

“Come on, Ziggy.” He grimaced as he was helped into a waiting car. “Let’s get you out of here.”

“What are you doing here, Sam? You want some of the action?” Gabriel was sassy on a good day, but when he was exhausted and in excruciating pain, he could be downright savage. 

“I’m just here to help.” Sam’s car roared to life and Gabriel noticed he was buckled in the passenger seat, not thrown in the trunk, before he jerked his knee against the door, striking his injury just right. He gritted his teeth, unable to stop the pained sound with his teeth, before his head lolled against the window. “Well, shit.” Sam said to himself as he realized the man he had just risked arrest for was unconscious. It was almost three-- an hour he was usually sleeping through himself. “Now what?”

Sam drove away from the clubs and the police car and hoped no one took down his license plate number. Dean would kill him if he gave Baby a record. He drove around some back neighborhood before heading towards the nearest walk in clinic. He’d give them cash. 

He parked the car and opened his truck, digging through his gym bag for a shirt to cover up the other man’s attire. He didn’t want him to be judged or worse, refused service. He unbuckled his passenger and then pulled the shirt over ‘Ziggy’s’ head-- he had found the pseudonym amusing and clever, two adjectives he supposed he’d use for the man he was dressing in the front of his car. He glanced down and pulled off the high heels on second thought. Using a paper towel and water from an unopened bottle, he washed the man’s face. He looked tired but serene and Sam hated to move him, but something was definitely wrong with that knee. Sam didn’t want him passing out again. He scooped up the man draped in his t-shirt-- it was practically a dress on him-- and carried him into the clinic. An x-ray, some bandaging, and a whole lot of scowling when ‘Ziggy’ woke up later-- Sam and his new friend were back in the car with a prescription that Gabriel was absolutely not going to follow. He didn’t have extra money for an injury he had been too dumb to prevent. “Where to?” Sam asked and Gabriel gave him directions to a store on the same block of his crappy studio apartment. It was closer to home than he would like to give to a stranger, but his knee wouldn’t take much longer. It was feeling better with actual medical care, but Gabriel didn’t do charity. He hated it. “Here we are.” Gabriel looked up to see the familiar green neon that advertised marijuana.

“Thanks for everything.” He grabbed his shoes and got out of the car very carefully. “You want your shirt?” Sam shook his head. 

“I’ll get it from you next time.” He joked.

“Kid, there ain’t going to be a next time.” The man said seriously. “Now get out of here before they pick your car apart.”

“Take care of yourself.” Sam said.

“I always do.” There wasn’t anything left to be said, but Gabriel was not walking away until Sam drove away. It was a miracle the kid hadn’t done anything while he was unconscious. Ugh. He just wanted to shower, get the clients off of him, but he wasn’t sure how he’d manage with his knee. Sam seemed to take the hint because he gave an awkward, little wave and drove away. Gabriel waited until the red taillights were gone before he turned and limped down the street to his apartment building. He was quite the sight, draped in an oversized t-shirt, limping barefoot down the road. To some, it looked like an epic walk of shame, but Gabriel, Gabriel knew better. He knew shame all too well, but he did what he had to. He always would. They’d get through this. Cassie would get better. Things would improve. They had to.


	2. Chapter 2

Gabriel let himself in quietly, grateful that the key didn’t decide to stick. Normally, he’d be out there a little longer, but with what happened with Sam and his knee, well, he wouldn’t last out there like this. He was already tempting fate as it was by working the corner. He slipped inside, groaning with relief as he staggered over to their battered couch. The neon outside lit up the tiny apartment enough without him having to flip the light on. He pulled his heels off, wincing as he bent his leg to do so. He kind of wished he could get the painkillers the doctor had prescribed, but all their money went to rent or Cassie’s treatment. Huh. maybe he could get the pills and sell them. That actually wasn’t a half bad idea. He could pay for both rent and Castiel’s monthly treatment easily. Maybe have enough left over to pay the electricity bill.

He yanked the money he had earned out of his shirt, smoothing the wrinkled bills. He stripped both shirts off before deciding to put Sam’s back on. It was large and soft, covering all the important bits as he eased out of his leather shorts. He pulled his earrings out next and limped over to the bathroom. He got the water running and fully stripped then, ducking under the chilly spray. He scrubbed himself down, paying extra attention to his hole. He didn’t want anything left from that awful client. He finished up and dried quickly, pulling Sam’s shirt back on. It was his shirt now anyway. He wasn’t going to see that actually decent guy again, not even if he wanted to.

“Gabe?” Cassie stirred as he slid under the sheets. They were fairly threadbare, on the verge of breaking for good. Gabriel knew what that felt like on a personal level.

“It’s just me.”

“You’re home early.” Castiel said sleepily.

“I got hurt at work, Cassie, hurt my knee off the machines.” Gabriel mixed the truth with yet another lie. He hated lying to Castiel, but he needed to take care of his brother. Castiel worried too much when he knew Gabriel was working the streets and stress made it harder for Castiel to recover. He needed to save his strength to fight the c-word disease. Cancer. Gabriel hated to even think it, much less say it out loud. 

“I’m sorry.” Castiel was falling back asleep, something he did when he was tired and Gabriel was talking. Somehow his brother found his voice soothing. “I’m cold, Gabey.”

“I’ve got you.” Gabriel pulled up the covers, even though the apartment was sticky with heat, wrapping himself around his brother. Castiel was all he had left that was worth anything in this world and because of that, Gabriel would do anything for him. Even drop out of a prestigious school to take care of him. They were all each other had and they were all each other needed. Even if Castiel was a little more romantic than Gabriel. Just last month he was talking about the cute nurse who gave him his chemo. Gabriel didn’t begrudge him the small fantasies. They were preferred to the moments of stark realities like when six months ago the doctor said the cancer was worse and upped Castiel’s dosage. Fantasies kept death at bay a little while longer. Fantasies pretended that hope might actually beat this thing. Fantasies kept Gabriel and Castiel together instead of tearing them apart. Gabriel would do anything for his brother, but Castiel had already told him he was not allowed to follow him into death if the worst happened.

Silly Cassie, always preparing for the worst when he wasn’t daydreaming of the best.

The next morning, Castiel was more lucid and one look at his face when Gabriel finally rolled out of bed was warning enough that the lie was up.

“Are you prostituting yourself again?” There was an accusation somewhere in those big, blue eyes. “I thought you were working at the factory!”

“I was.” Gabriel shrugged. He looked down at his knee and knew he wouldn’t be able to walk on it today or tomorrow. He propped it back up and sighed, leaning back against the wall. “They fired me a couple months ago. I did what I had to.”

“I don’t want you doing that, not for me.”

“It’s for both of us. We need money to survive, Cassie. We need to keep this crappy apartment because your chances drop dramatically once we’re on the streets.” Gabriel glared, pulling his big brother look. Castiel sighed.

“I hate seeing you like this. You were doing so well before I got sick and found you.” Castiel looked away. “I should have stayed away.”

“You know I wouldn’t have wanted that.” Gabriel’s glare intensified.

“Is it just your knee that’s hurt?” Castiel asked. 

“Yea.” Gabriel lied again. “Stupid guy threw me down. I hit a dumpster and then the ground. It might have a hairline fracture.”

“Shit.” Castiel’s eyes were wide. “You need to see a doctor.” Gabriel pulled out the paperwork. 

“I already saw one.”

“Paid? How the hell?”

“A random nice guy. He saved me from the cops and didn’t try anything funny.” Gabriel wrinkled his nose at the thought of Sam. 

“How’d you meet him?” Gabriel snorted.

“I literally ran into him.” He held up his hands. “That’s how I got these. I was running from the cops, a nasty cop at that, and I ran into Sam.”

“Sam?” Of course, Castiel wouldn’t miss that.

“He introduced himself to me.” Gabriel rolled his eyes. He kept his self-deprecating thoughts to himself, but seriously, what respectable person introduces themselves to a whore? “And then he bandaged me up with the first aid kit from his car.”

“You don’t meet that many nice people out there, do you?” Castiel asked carefully. “You liked him.”

“Cassie…”

“Not like that, but he touched you with his kindness.”

“I guess.”

“So most the guys you meet are dicks?”

“Yea, Cassie, but dicks mean I get money for us. Dicks are our bread and butter.” Gabriel waggled his eyebrows.

“They wear condoms, right?”

“Castiel!” A rare moment that Gabriel used his brother’s full name. “When did you become so scandalous?” Humor was better than the truth. Gabriel didn’t risk losing money by insisting on a condom. He didn’t have money to buy condoms to keep on him and the clients sure didn’t walk around with them in their back pockets. Bareback was more buck anyway.

“Do you get regularly tested?”

“What are you, my mother?” Gabriel fired back before he thought through what he was saying. “I’m sorry.” He added quickly when they both flinched.

“It’s okay. It’s been, what, two years? I should probably get over it.”

“Cassie.” Gabriel held his arms open and Castiel dragged himself back over to the bed and allowed Gabriel to hold him. “I miss her too.”

“Why her? Out of all the people in this world, why her?”

“I don’t know, Cassie, I don’t know. She deserved better. Hell, we all do. But we’ll figure shit out like always, you’ll see. Things will get better.”

“I hope so.” Castiel sniffled into his brother’s shirt. He was so thin, it made Gabriel sad. Once he was better though, he’d put on the weight. His cheeks would be pink again. His hair would grow back. Gabriel held onto that hope with all his might. It was all he had left. “I don’t want to die.” Gabriel made a shushing noise, soothing his little brother. Not surprisingly, Castiel fell asleep a few minutes later. He was so tired all of the time, but at least he wasn’t so sick to his stomach this time around. Gabriel wasn’t sure if that was better or worse, but the doctor had seemed encouraged.

He slid out of bed and forced himself to walk on his knee. The pain was so bad, he almost hit the ground. He limped to his stash of pot and quickly made a bowl to smoke. This would take the edge off for now. Then maybe he could make it to the pharmacy and get the good drugs to sell. It wasn’t that illegal if they were his own prescription, right? He forced himself to get dressed. He wore ripped jeans that weren’t bought that way. He wore one of his own baggy t-shirts and his battered tennis shoes before hobbling down the street.

“Hey, Crowley.” He waved to the store owner.

“Some dude is looking for you, Gabe.” Crowley warned him.

“Not a pig?” Gabriel groaned.

“Nah, some clean-cut guy with puppy dog eyes.”

“What name did he use?” Gabriel smirked, recognizing the description.

“Ziggy.” Crowley snorted. “You’ve been using that one a lot lately. You sure you don’t want to come perform at one of my shows?”

“Maybe after I patch up my knee.” Gabriel tried to look apologetic. Honestly, he wouldn’t mind doing one of Crowley’s invitation-only drag shows, but he couldn’t afford the stuff he needed to look good. He wasn’t going to make a fool out of himself if he didn’t have to. Now if Crowley wanted to pay him, maybe he’d reconsider...

“Hey!” Crowley and Gabriel both turned their heads as Sam drove by. “I’ve been looking for you. Get in.” Gabriel looked up at Crowley.

“Toodles.” He waved his fingers and gingerly managed to put himself in the passenger seat of Sam’s car. Crowley rolled his eyes and shook his head, going back inside his store. 

“You’re a hard man to find.”

“I told you this was a one time thing.”

“I wanted to get your prescription. I forgot it might be super difficult to walk to the pharmacy on your leg.”

“Well, you’re just in time because that’s where I was headed.” Gabriel flirted a little without realizing it. “My hero.” He batted his eyelashes for effect which seemed to work because Sam laughed.

“How is the knee today?”

“Oh, it fucking sucks.” Gabriel groaned. “Nearly didn’t fit into my jeans because it’s so swollen.”

“How are you even walking on it?”

“I smoked a bowl.” Gabriel deadpanned. “Took enough of the edge off to manage.”

“You’re not going to work tonight, are you?”

“No, I think I earned a night off.” Gabriel grinned. “Gonna lie in bed and go sailin’ on one of those good painkillers.”

“The doctor said you need to be off it for weeks.” Sam pointed out.

“Don’t worry about me, Sam, and don’t you dare ruin whatever this is,” Gabriel gestured between them, “by trying to offer charity. I don’t want it.”

“I wasn’t going to.” Sam sniffed. “And I’d hope we’re becoming friends. What should I call you? Ziggy or Zig?” He joked back. Gabriel felt elated. Weird. He kind of wanted to be friends with this guy. He was probably a serial killer with his good looks and better manners, but Gabriel couldn’t find it in himself to care.

“I’d like to be friends.” He nodded. “And if that’s the case-- they call me Gabriel.”

“Gabriel.” Sam tried out his name with a smile and Gabriel tried not to shiver at how good his name sounded coming from the other man’s lips. Ew. What the hell was wrong with him? He was not ruining this potential friendship with a crush, uh-uh, no way. “That’s a good name. It’s strong. Biblical.”

“Mom was a believer.” Gabriel informed his chauffeur. “She named my brother and I both after angels.”

“That’s cool.” Sam said it like he really meant it and Gabriel marveled at how incredibly easy it felt to be around him. Normally, he was much more distrustful, but then normally he wasn’t as high as a kite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you all think of the re-write so far? I'm trying to flesh out the characters more than I did last time, so I hope they're coming across all right. 
> 
> <3 fluffy


	3. Chapter 3

Gabriel let Sam drop him off right at the door of his apartment.

“I can help you up.” Gabriel glanced up, his fifth floor apartment looking pretty far, even with the elevator. 

“Sure.” He grinned easily. He had taken one of the pills for his knee and wow, he was feeling some kind of way. He felt better than he had in months! “My brother’s up there.” He informed Sam. “He’s sick.”

“And you’re flying.” Sam commented good-naturedly. Gabriel clutched his prescription close. He would let himself take a few, but the rest were going to pay the bills. That was even more freeing than not feeling the pain. He didn’t feel worried about how they were going to pay for everything for the next month or so. Maybe he’d even open a bank account, keep the rest of the money from the sale in there. 

He had hope for the first time in months and a hot, nice guy helping him into the apartment.

“Gabriel!” Castiel pulled the blankets up over his head.

“Sorry!” Sam called out. “I’m just helping him in!”

“No, stay for a beer or a bowl.” Gabriel invited him in.

“I look like shit.”

“Don’t worry, Cassie.” Gabriel groused, flopping back on the bed. “You can have the chair.”

“I can come hang out another time.” Sam replied good-naturedly, tilting his head in the direction of Gabriel’s distraught brother. “A time when we’re all prepared.” 

“Thank you!” A hand appeared from under the covers, an awkward thumbs up. Gabriel noticed that Castiel’s beanie was on the floor-- oh, that was probably why he was so shy. Sam said bye and waved in a way that Gabriel found endearing. He shut the door behind him, Castiel hurrying over to lock the door as soon as he was gone. “Was that Sam?” Castiel rounded in on his brother.

“That’s Sam.” Gabriel was still lying on his back, somewhere in the clouds. “Jesus, Cassie, this is the best I’ve felt in months.”

“Gabriel.” Castiel crossed his arms over his scrawny chest. He frowned. Gabriel shielded him from so much and here like this, well, Gabriel didn’t have any secrets. “You like him.”

“We’re friends.”

“You met the other night.” Castiel crawled back into bed. “I need a shower.”

“Okay.” Gabriel started to roll up but Castiel stopped him with a gentle touch.

“You’re high.”

“I feel good.” Gabriel whined.

“And your leg is broken.”

“Barely.” Gabriel mumbled.

“I’m going to wash myself.” Castiel told him. “We have the chair. I can work the water from there.”

“Make sure it’s warm before you get in.” Gabriel called out as Castiel carefully made his way around the piles of Gabriel’s clothing. How had he missed the signs? There was blood and cum on most of Gabriel’s boxers and underwear. Castiel felt sad. He hated that Gabriel was getting hurt out there to keep them safe. “Make sure it’s not too hot.” Castiel glanced over his shoulder at his big brother staring up at the ceiling like it held all the answers. He wouldn’t begrudge him this moment of escape. He just wished so many things were different.

He’d be healthy and Gabriel would be healthy, they’d both be back to doing what they loved. Gabriel didn’t mind sacrificing himself for Castiel to have a fighting chance, but it killed Castiel to know they barely had money for rent and food, forget medicines. There wasn’t any money for art supplies. Gabriel didn’t say anything ever, but Castiel felt guilty. Gabriel’s art was hidden away somewhere in the apartment, not that he ever looked at it anymore.

Maybe Castiel could convince Gabriel to buy a sketchpad and some pencils with his money. Gabriel would refuse. He always did. Castiel just didn’t know how to bring up his brother’s art anymore. Gabriel shut him down everytime he tried.

He fumbled with the shower, but got the hang of it quickly. Everything in their ratty bathroom needed repairing, but if the super actually fixed it, he’d charge them double what he was charging now. “You okay, Cassie? I can come help you.”

“Enjoy your high.” Castiel smiled over at Gabriel. Of course, their apartment was small enough that Gabriel could see him easily from the bed. Castiel didn’t bother to ever close the door anymore, in case he fell or worse. And now he knew why Gabriel would hide behind the door after his ‘shifts.’ Gabriel had been hiding for so long. Castiel saw the bruises now. He saw the look in Gabriel’s eyes.

They couldn’t keep going like this. They were going to crash and burn. Gabriel would fall first, burning at both ends, and then Castiel would follow him into the dark.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Death.” Castiel missed how Gabriel flinched. He didn’t know how panicked Gabriel felt everytime he thought of something happening to his baby brother. Maybe he’d understand then why Gabriel was so willing to burn. Gabriel cleared his throat so he wouldn’t choke on his emotions. Cassie couldn’t die. Not so soon after their mom. Not ever. 

Gabriel adored Castiel. Always had, ever since Anna placed him in his arms when he was five years old and introduced him to his new brother. Their dad had left soon after and Anna worked herself to the bone, trying to provide the best life for her boys.

And she did. They had both done well for themselves. Castiel got paid to research bees before he got sick. Gabriel had a successful business before he decided to pursue his true passion, returning to school to study art. Until Castiel showed up with a diagnosis of Hodkin’s lymphoma and nowhere to go. Gabriel had dropped out instantly and for a while, they did okay, until the cancer spread and the treatments doubled. “Do you think Mom was scared to die? Do you think she’s waiting for us?”

Gabriel looked over, his eyes so far away even though he struggled to remain in their studio apartment with Castiel and his dark questions. 

“You’re treatable, Cassie. You still have a chance. Doc says you’re responding well.”

“Was Mom--”

“She went quick, Cassie. She didn’t feel anything. Didn’t have time to think.” Anna passed in a fiery, tragic car accident two years ago. The other driver had been drinking, but not enough to account for how badly Anna’s car had been wrecked. She hadn’t been doing well. Gabriel thought she would have died if the other driver hadn’t been there. He didn’t tell Cassie that though. Anna never wanted either of them to know about her mental health struggles-- Gabriel had just figured it out. 

She had begged him not to tell Cassie and he had kept that promise.

“Do you think she misses us?”

“Yea, Cassie, I think she does.” Gabriel answered him. “Are you almost done in the shower?”

“Need to wash my hair.” Castiel responded. Gabriel worried about his mental health with the cancer and their money struggles.

“We’re going to get through this.” Gabriel reminded his little brother. Castiel looked over his wet shoulder, blue meeting amber and gold.

“Are we?”

And Gabriel didn’t have a good answer to that, so he said nothing.


End file.
